where the ocean meets the shore

feather photo by Katariina Fagering

In October, we brought my father’s ashes to Seattle so he could rest near his mother. He passed away eight months prior and most of my mourning had already taken place but still I wept.  This time it was for him as a child. He was raised by a wounded mother who was probably raised by another wounded mother. His tender heart didn’t really stand a chance and I believe this is why he was so abusive when we were young and why he subsequently struggled with major depression and mental breakdowns.

The cycle has stopped with my generation, the blood line has been cleansed.

If he were still here today I would hold him tenderly and let him know he was loved and lovable.

wave 5 photo by Katariina Fagering

After the service we pulled our Caravan over to the rugged, jagged Washington coastline. I had forgotten just how cleansing and correcting the ocean can be. There were so many unresolved events swirling in my heart that were simply dissolved by walking on the rocks, climbing over the logs and soaking in all the ravaging beauty. What wasn’t dissolved found it’s notch in my understanding.

bald eagle photo by Katariina Fagering

At one point I spotted a bald eagle flying my way along the water’s edge. It doesn’t get more majestic than that. I’m closely connected to the wisdom of eagle (I’m a student so to speak) and this was such a beautiful gift. I photographed her through tears of gratitude.

pisces photo by Katariina FageringThen this rock displaying an inlaid Vesica Pisces caught my eye. This sacred symbol has  many meanings to many different religions and peoples from the beginnings of recorded time. For me it represents the unity of the Divine Feminine and Masculine creating a new way of existing.

A few days prior to my father’s funeral, I was in Glastonbury, England. We were staying at the Chalice Well Guest House where the Vesica Pisces marks the top of the Chalice Well and was found in the art on the walls and even inlaid into the kitchen floor. It was everywhere and it wasn’t until I recognized it on this rock that I woke up to it’s significance and I heard it’s meaning.

nest photo by Katariina FageringWitnessing a bald eagle and finding the Vesica Pisces inlaid into a rock were extraordinary experiences but there was also immense beauty even in the way the rocks collected in logs or were stacked on their sides.

Celebrating the mundane is my worship, my practice and 

my way of connecting to the Divine Sacred

so that I can witness the extraordinary and hear the message. 

heart2 photo by Katariina Fagering

wedged photo by Katariina Fagering

It’s all relevant to my journey of understanding myself and my purpose here and figuring out the balance between my soft, tender Piscean nature and my powerful side that needs to be a “Change Agent” in this world. I’ve danced between these two extremes most of my life (i.e. leaving the Marine Corps to be a photographer and then going back in to go to war) but it feels time to bridge the two and dance with both simultaneously with grace.

hatched rock photo by Katariina Fagering

small feather photo by Katariina Fagering

sidewaysrocks photo by Katariina Fagering

I’ve walked many beaches in my lifetime and they have always been healing but this experience at Ruby Beach with a heart in turmoil I was soothed and reset in a way that I cannot even articulate.

There is magic in the air that lives between an ancient forest and a rugged ocean. 

logrockassemblage photo by Katariina Fagering