Birthing a New Lifestyle

chula vista marina

This morning, as the sun rose I practiced my yoga asanas out on the lawn next to Chula Vista Marina in southern California. The cool breeze carried the taste of salt as the sun warmed my face. I felt cradled in the beauty of Mother Earth. My heart filled with gratitude for the freedom to make new life choices and know that Mother Earth will always catch and embrace me when I fall.

crow

Crow (keeper of the Sacred Law) keeps showing up to remind me to step deeper into my own integrity and live in congruence with the woman I know I am. Crow wants me to stay present in this timeless moment where past, present and future exist as one. Where I am standing in my full expression of self, creating audaciously connecting to the deep wisdom held by my ancestors. I’ve missed crow’s gentle reminder because in Houston there are very few crows, seldom heard or seen. Can you imagine going a day without conversing with a crow? I can’t and yet I did for 3 years.

In February our lives took a left turn and suddenly we were packing up our house to be sold, buying a travel trailer (I like to call it our Caravan) and making plans to head west to study yogic living for a few months. It felt like such a quick birthing of a new lifestyle but as I thought further I realized this idea was first conceived nine months ago at our wedding.

Larry at wedding

The weekend of Big Luscious Matrimony in Dripping Springs, Texas was really more of a coming out party for Larry and I. It was the first time we had experienced our imperfectly, authentic dream of cultivating our creativity, connecting with our community and exploring sustainability. We planned the minute details of the wedding for over a year so that it would be a direct reflection of ourselves. We had local ice cream, local beer, local pies, local dinner. We collected mason jars for the year to use as reusable water glasses for the guests. We got he flowers from a flower farm down the street.

wedding flowers

Then we allowed for mystery to show up and help us complete our dream. The ceremony was planned that morning before the wedding and it was perfect. We had a circle gathering of all our guests just before the rehearsal dinner and I wasn’t sure what would happen but we wanted to create an opportunity to share our intention for the weekend and for people to meet each other. What happened actually blew me away. Deep sharing, tears, laughter, and bonding. We only planned to hold the space for coming together. kat and larry wedding day

On our last morning at the venue, sipping our coffee on the front porch, Larry and I decided that we needed to live this way. So we figured naturally that meant to buy a ranch and create our structures and call in our tribe. We dreamed of swimming in our natural pond pool, hosting gatherings of all sorts while we raised our feral children to run wild and free.

the land that heals

Nine moths later when we are getting ready to put some money down on 50 acres in Hill Country, Texas, Larry asks if we might want to postpone the buying of land and instead travel a bit in that “caravan” we were buying to live in while we built our first structure. With only a few seconds of thought I shouted, “YES” and we were off to pack up, haul out, donate, toss out and give away our collection of stuff so we could easily live in our tiny caravan.

As it turns out the baby we birthed didn’t look anything like we expected. Instead of us living stationary calling in our tribe, it looks like we will be riding with the wind at our backs with our hearts full of honey gathering new members of the tribe and visiting and “talking story” with our antiquated tribal peeps.

Goodbye Happy Home!

Goodbye Happy Home!

This labor was arduous, both physically and mentally taxing as all of my labors are. Then there was the painful limbo period between contractions where I wasn’t able to express my creativity and our dream didn’t quite look like we had planned. Yet the further we traveled across the Sonoran Desert away from Houston the clearer the path became. It’s as if the fog of living in the humid urban hub of concrete and strip malls had lifted and I could breath again and the scent of the pacific ocean was calling us home.

Sonoran Desert

Our passage to California is just the first stop in our new mobile life. We are attending an intensive yoga course called, Mastery of Life Course by Laura and Bhava. I will write more about this experience now that the wild, salty winds from the sea are cleaning out all the sluggishness and waking up my feral, creative soul.  The sea and crow will bring me back to my balanced stasis of audacious-ness.

Where will we go next? We’re not quite sure yet, perhaps north, perhaps east, we’ll have to see what plan we conceive and hatch during the next few months in glorious San Diego.

my birthday weekend!

Agnes & Ginger

I flew to Berkeley, California last weekend to spend my birthday with my BFF Ginger. We signed up for Flora Bowley’s Bloom True Workshop, so that we could spend the weekend playing with paint like little girls. We had so much fun, finger painting, eating amazing food, laughing, chanting & re-connecting.

Flora!

Flora has this fabulous ability to inspire everyone to find their own style within while showing all her tricks & techniques to paint intuitively. This is a very different approach to painting than I have been taught in all my instructing. It is how I began painting, but then found my way back this weekend. I loved how although it felt as if we may have been going down an endless path she gave a way to pull it all together in the end. I wished I could have spent a week with her, it was that easy, flowing & fun.

Now the trick is to jump back in & keep exploring what moves me.

this was the beginning

The way Flora starts us out by just making marks & having others make marks on our canvases. Then you take a look to see what is happening.

This is what started to emerge.

The Teahouse Studio

then we added lines

THis one is done

not quite done, but almost there

Ginger & I had a fabulous time eating incredible food that included brussel sprouts, mussels, smelt & rhubarb pie!!

rhubarb pie

this is what flora created

Well to wrap it up, I fully recommend a workshop with Flora, even if you have never painted nor do you want to paint. Her process is really a metaphor for life, letting go, waiting to see what emerges, having patience, doing the work, trusting, being okay to make a choice, commit to something, & oh my goodness! more & so much more. I don’t want to give it all away, but sign up, rush to sign up, she fills up quickly. You won’t be sorry.

I also recommend stealing away with your best girlfriend for a weekend of pure indulgence on your birthday!.

I love you Ginger, thank you for letting me be me & loving me in spite off it. :o)

Big Luscious Love,

Katariina

I wrote a poem but forgot to share . . .

If you write a poem and forget to share it, what is the point? Right? I mean it may as well, perhaps, not exist, unless you let it fly & land in the hearts, souls or on the shoulders of others who are patiently waiting to hear what you have to say.

on the edge

I feel at times, that I’m waiting, expectantly to hear what you have to say, or share, a story, a song, a dance, a poem, a photograph. I’m so eager to know what lives in the depths of your soul that I often get a little too eager; which then leads to frustration, perhaps exasperation. I know it is there, swirling around in the depths of your soul just wanting to be seen, heard, acknowledged & loved; do you know it’s there?  Perhaps you do know this. Perhaps my pushing to see it is just really annoying. I can understand this because there are people I don’t feel safe enough to share everything with. It’s not just as simple as sharing or not sharing is it?

I mean it’s also possible you may not be ready to show that story, thought, or idea. That’s really and truly okay and perfect; but still frustrating for me, nonetheless. We all have our own comfort zones based on our demeanor, cultural upbringing, our past experiences, etc. You may be more comfortable with small talk about art or family. I abhor small talk, most of the time. Unless it is necessary & in the context of quickly connecting with someone in an elevator or waiting for your food to be prepared at a counter service restaurant. There are many times when I don’t really feel the need to dive deeply.

But, for those of you who know me beyond sharing an elevator ride beware because sometimes when we talk I try to lure the story out by sharing my deepest wobbly bits. Those embarrassing, potentially devastating bits and pieces that if they are not received with interest &/or empathy can sting or feel like a stomach punch. So I sometimes, tend to over-share or dive deeply too quickly for you; but it is my way of luring the stories, poems, thoughts, ideas, dreams, visions, desires out of you. It’s not that I need your stories as much as I love to be in that deeper space where the energy is visceral, alive & inspiring. It’s similar to the feeling I get when I walk & talk with the trees. Some sort of vibration is ignited within me, creating a much more expansive energy to dance in, with you of course.

I also know that there is great freedom that can come in living transparently. When there is really nothing to hide from or stay small for the dance becomes invigorating, refreshing & cleansing. Dr. Brene’ Brown talks about this in her work. She says that when we share our shameful stories & vulnerabilities with a safe person, that it diminishes the power the shame holds on us. Exposing it to the light destroys it’s ability to live on. Without shame, fear, hiding from the truth we can dance freely. Freedom feels so good.

I’m really all about freedom, that’s what the book I wrote is about, The Art & Soul of Dancing Barefoot; & that is really what I stand for.

So this is me holding my hand out, asking you to join me in a space of deeper sharing, creating, loving, existing, & dancing.

I’ll post the poem on the next post!

(suspense, intrigue)

BIG, luscious, Love

Katariina

there’s nothing serious going on here

naked in costa rica

I’m not sure where I got this saying from but I find myself using it often lately. It just somehow seems so appropriate when things are going awry and our best laid plans are unravelling. I mean no one has a severed limb, no sucking chest wounds, the house is still standing and we have pay checks coming in every month, so nothing can be that dire, to lose our joy over.

I’m not sure what should be considered serious, or when this statement may not fit for us, but for now even though our pool contractor screwed us out of thousands of dollars, the IRS informed us of an impending audit, we have an ongoing, never-ending lawsuit filed for custody issues, we have nearly a million dollars in debt, I struggle weekly with PTSD and depression symptoms, my father has dementia . . . even though all of that exists there is so much joy, so many giggles, so many possibilities & opportunities, so much creativity, music, dancing, and LOVE going on here that all of that stuff mentioned earlier is not so serious.

This is why I find myself repeating, “there’s nothing serious going on here.” So I ask my family that we tread softly on each other’s toes when dancing with one another,  remember to give hugs and plenty of kisses, be each other’s biggest fan. Oh and validate each other with adoration and acceptance. These are powerful tools for transformation.

Finnegan Nash

birthday tulips