Let it Be Easy

rabbit-and-moon

Rabbit symbolizes prosperity & is associated with the moon

Let it be easy! – is my daily inner mantra.

With this mantra & my new found love for my crooked, perfectly-imperfect self, I’ve found my creations are moving their way out of my studio & into the world!

With the serendipitous assistance from playful, creative friends, several of my paintings & prints are now hanging on the walls of a gorgeous boutique in Bend, OR. The Feather’s Edge Finery. And it was so easy. I just asked & BAM they are there on the walls looking beautiful & ready to be purchased by people who adore them.

With ease & love the energy has shifted – so much is happening – the sales, the shows & the commissioned paintings! I’ll share more in another post.

Let it be easy! – is my daily inner mantra. Besides I truly believe we’re making this up so make it easy.

These paintings & prints of them are all on sale at Feather’s Edge Finery in downtown Bend.

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Feather’s Edge Finery

If you live outside of Bend and want a print they are available here: https://society6.com/katariinaagnesfagering   and I’ll keep adding new images so keep checking back.

Wise Ass Owls

These latest paintings of mine are showing up with a new energy about them. Ease and playfulness. I’m loving staying in my pleasure of creating and not worrying so much about creating something profound; which can feel so arduous at times.

There is deep wisdom in pleasure and playfulness – we were built for it!

Owl lives within the darkness, which includes magic, mystery, and ancient knowledge. The moon is related to the owl which becomes a symbol of the feminine and fertility. Mythology often refers to their wisdom and femininity.

These paintings will be available as prints soon so if you’re interested send me a note and I’ll keep you on my list.

Finally 50!

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Fabulous Trucker Hat by Jennette Nielson at Smashing Rubbish

I’ve longed for 50 most of my adult life. I’ve always known myself to be a late bloomer and 50 always seemed like the time I would blossom creatively and finally fully occupy my body. This is the age I imagined I would finally settle into my skin, my face  and truly see what this body is capable of. At 50, I knew I would no longer linger on false values of wanting to please others while betraying myself. Once I crossed that threshold, I would finally know that my true gift comes out of listening for my full-bodied-yes and easily saying no to anything that isn’t screaming yes!  This is what I’ve known most of my life and now here I am 50 years old today. This is exciting!

My absence on this blog during my journey with breast cancer stemmed from a desire to be present with the process and not turning the journey and all the surgeries into a performance piece. I was honoring the sacredness of that journey and now as I turn 50 and I’m looking at the next half (give or take a few) of my life I want to be more outwardly focused. It feels like the season to be expressing my creativity here once again.

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For this extraordinary birthday I am giving myself permission to just be me, follow my pleasure AND the disciplined structure to write daily. Instead of going about my day willy nilly, I’m shaking things up by giving myself the space to write for two hours each day. I set it in my schedule and sit my butt in my chair and start writing. My hope is that the two hours will grow to more but two feels like a significant time to begin with.

I started four days ago and so far it’s been really fun and exciting to see what comes up. My focus is just to get it all out, that may take awhile and then I’ll start putting it together into books or projects of all sorts. Of course there is no telling what will emerge – it’s a mystery!

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Trucker Hat by the Fabulous Jennette Nielson of Smashing Rubbish

Stick around to hear more about this new journey with writing and being 50!

Big Luscious Love,
Katariina

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Mr. M Responds Eloquently (Part 2)

Mr. M responded to my blog yesterday as I had hoped. Tears of relief and gratitude fell down my cheeks as I read his email. He not only got my message but was able to hear my heart and respond so graciously and eloquently.

Some of you suggested that he was “evil” but I knew better and it was never my intention to lash out at him, I just wanted to get his attention and share my heart. Turns out he is actually a gentlemen. You can see for yourself.

Katariina,
Thank you for your post and I congratulate you on the way you express and write.  I have decided that after all this I don’t intent to unsubscribe and would like for you to post that this “cyber bully” and clone of Kevin Spacey’s character in House of Cards has seen the light.
We republican lobbyists can also make mistakes and let our emotions take the best of us.  I offer my deepest apologies for the unacceptable way I expressed my feelings and frustration and for the way I affected your writing and creative flow.
Finally, this last post from you made me realize how people’s words can impact the soul and essence of others.  I hope you forgive me and share this post.
Let me know your thoughts!
Your “cyber bully”
M

I am grateful for this opportunity to dispel my fears and reluctance to write from my heart. This past year has been a doozy and continues along that track, I have so much to write about and now the veil has been lifted and there is no need for fear or trepidation on my side.

As I write this a Stellar’s Jay just landed on our hot tub looking all regal with a charcoal head and blue body. Stellar’s Jays are so wise they carry the truth of the heart and clarity of thought. Sometimes because of their wit, intellect and spiritual knowing. They have strong communication abilities but often with a sharp jab. They would do well to exercise judgement, care and diplomacy. In other words not succumb to being a bully. Have you ever seen a Blue Jay squawk at other birds around a bird feeder and watch them all fly away? They ask us to be honest, forthright and take action. I can think of more than a few times I’ve been accused of being a bully; perhaps my Mr. M is merely the outward personification of my own inner bully – rather than the other way around.

Thank you Mr. M for your generous response and heart felt honesty. You totally made my year!

Much Love,

Katariina 

Dear Mr. M (Part 1)

Dear Mr. M,

I have read and responded to every comment you have written to me following every post I’ve posted over the past year. I understand you are frustrated and no longer want to receive my blog posts and since you aren’t receiving my email responses I decided to write to you here.

I’m writing this to ask you to please unsubscribe yourself (scroll to the bottom for instructions). I have attempted to let you know countless times that YOU are the only one who can unsubscribe yourself from my blog. This is WordPress’ policy – not mine. I would gladly do it if I could.

Your comments are aggressive, angry and threatening:

Get me out of this damn blog you sent or I’ll report you to WordPress”  

I’m going to be posting things on the Internet about you and the invasion of privacy by sending your crap to me even though I have repeatedly told you to remove me.”

While these comments may seem innocuous especially considering I am a retired Marine Corps officer and should be able to easily ignore their aggressive tone, I can’t. I recently realized that you are my cyber bully and like cancer your voice has spread into my own inner world. For the past year whenever I sit down to write a blog I hear your snarky, angry words and I stop writing. My inner cyber bully has morphed into Kevin Spacey in House of Cards.

The words that I share are my own inner thoughts and ideas and being able to write them freely is what keeps me healthy and alive. It’s an extremely vulnerable act to share your heart and soul in a public forum. I didn’t invite you to my blog, you subscribed yourself, so please do us both a favor and follow the directions I pasted below to unsubscribe yourself.

I realize that whether you actually read the content of this blog post and follow the simple steps is not in my court. This is merely a last-ditch effort to alleviate the suffering on both sides.

What is in my court, however, is to figure out how I attracted this sticky booger that I can’t seem to flick off. What is wanting to be loved in this situation? What part of me is wanting to be heard? What inside me is angry, rude and frustrated? If I can open to these questions and listen with compassion perhaps the booger will melt away easily and effortlessly.

I want to evict you from my inner world and tell you the threat of your words showing up within a minute (every time) of my posting will no longer keep me from blogging; but now I see that I evicting you will never work. What’s needed is for me to open to the scary, mean, icky parts inside me.

I mean you no harm Mr. M, and I feel your frustration so please unsubscribe yourself. Here are the instructions Wordpress sent me:

To be removed from Gypsy Love Cafe Blog,  follow these instructions —
1/ The next time you receive an email notification from my blog, open it and scroll to the bottom of the post where you will find this message: “Unsubscribe or change your email settings at Manage Subscriptions.”
2/ If your Internet browser is not open, open it.
3/ Click on the hyperlinked words “Manage Subscriptions”. This will open a page in your browser that contains your email settings for my blog.
4/ Find my blog name “Gypsy Love Cafe” on this page and point your mouse cursor at it
5/ The word “unfollow” will appear immediately below the blog name, Click on “unfollow”.
That’s it. You should not receive any more email notices from my blog.

 

Here is an email from WordPress with more information:

Hi Katariina,

Unfortunately, we don’t remove subscribers from blogs, as it is an opt in process for a user to follow a blog. Subscribers are ultimately responsible for removing themselves. Continue to let this user know that there is a ‘manage subscriptions link’ in the email, and mark comments from the user as spam. If the user becomes inappropriate and you believe he is violating our terms of service, (threats, rude language, etc.) please submit a link to the abusive comment via our Abuse reporting page.

Please let me know if you have any other questions!

Cheers, Erin

 

Respectfully,

Katariina

on being a mom

Raine peachy_web photo by Katariina Fagering

After a long winter break my daughter, Raine, returned to her school on Monday. She attends boarding school in St. Louis and since her departure, I have been weepy without her near. She graduates in the spring and our time together will only dwindle as she steps into the fullness of her life as an adult.

raine Wu photo by Katariina Fagering

The gravity of this monumental right of passage is hitting me with full force. I know I will always be her mother but my role in many ways will change drastically after she graduates. I will have finished my purpose as the mother of Raine as a child and move into being the mother of an adult. Although there are tangible changes when a child graduates, the real shift for me is on the subtle level.raine in snow by Katariina Fagering

Raine was my only child for 13 years when her little brother Finnegan arrived the day before her 13th birthday. We have been through so much together over these 17 years and we share a special bond. I feel a strong connection to her that extends beyond this lifetime.

raine as baby by Katariina Fagering

When she was a baby, it was clear to me, that my job as her parent, was too build her confidence, develop her independence, and most importantly to guide her to listen to her own internal compass. I had a vision of her leaving home as an empowered young woman who knew who she was and what she wanted to achieve in life. If that thing she initially chose changed a dozen times in her life, it wouldn’t matter to me; having a sense of direction of what to do next was important.

Raine and mom by Katariina Fagering

You can probably guess that this desire for her was created out of my own experience which looked very different. I had no direction and no real options, so when the Marine Corps recruiter called I didn’t hesitate to say yes! I know my parents did the best they knew how and I have no regrets about the choices I had, nor the decisions I made.

Raine however, is having a very different experience. She knows what college she is attending next year and her passion is musical theater, so she plans to study theater, dance and voice for four years and then head to New York City to test her talents.

Raine and Momma

As we move into the last months of her childhood, I am reflecting on our time together – both the low points and the high points. I made a lot of mistakes along the way but as is true for every mom, I did the best I knew how, or I would have done better. Life has dealt Raine some challenges to overcome but I know these challenges also have made her into the woman she has become.

rain Wu photo by Katariina Fagering

She is one of the funniest people I know; she is tenacious, kind and ever so talented. She sings, dances, plays the ukulele, ice skates, snow boards, rides horseback, kayaks, and brings joy to many. I couldn’t be prouder of all she has accomplished thus far and am so excited to witness her from my new position as the mother of the adult Raine.

raine as pocahontis by Katariina Fagering

raine in buns by Katariina FAgering

Raine in red by Katariina FAgering

when Kali comes . . .

darkcrow wings

Black wolf called me out

       from under my warm white sheets

             into my naked darkness.

                   Her beady eyes glaring down on me

 

my judge, jury and executioner.

      Lonely night of death dripping

           fear gripping my body

                  both longing and afraid.

 

Teeth snarling, spitting, ferocious

       and hungry for the remnants of my sorrow

             lurking behind Pleiades

                  squatting in the heavens

 

pacing,  and waiting.

     Then she lunges

            Gnashing, Growling, Snarling, Tearing

                   Shaking me free of the bindings

 

Of my sorrow.

     Flesh ripping.

           Tendons snapping.

                  Bones cracking.

 

All that remains

      Is Hemmingway’s honest and true

             bare bones, naked night, no excess, no fluff

                    Just the boney truth, the pure and the true.

 

Humbled by her ferocious hunger

       shaky gratitude moistens my face

             at the feet of my

                   beady-eyed liberator.

  dark sky 2

 

I actually wrote this poem months ago in Santa Fe after being awoken by some force and pulled outside to sit under the stars during the Pleiades and two beady stars above kept piercing through me. I grabbed my journal and wrote this poem pretty close to what it is today. 

Tonight, I decided I was tired of waiting for it to be better and I just wanted to get it out there. The Universe appreciates speed or so they say, so create and share! I want to start posting more often, I miss it. 

Thanks for reading and let me know if it resonates. 

Big Love, 
Katariina