In October, we brought my father’s ashes to Seattle so he could rest near his mother. He passed away eight months prior and most of my mourning had already taken place but still I wept. This time it was for him as a child. He was raised by a wounded mother who was probably raised by another wounded mother. His tender heart didn’t really stand a chance and I believe this is why he was so abusive when we were young and why he subsequently struggled with major depression and mental breakdowns.
The cycle has stopped with my generation, the blood line has been cleansed.
If he were still here today I would hold him tenderly and let him know he was loved and lovable.
After the service we pulled our Caravan over to the rugged, jagged Washington coastline. I had forgotten just how cleansing and correcting the ocean can be. There were so many unresolved events swirling in my heart that were simply dissolved by walking on the rocks, climbing over the logs and soaking in all the ravaging beauty. What wasn’t dissolved found it’s notch in my understanding.
At one point I spotted a bald eagle flying my way along the water’s edge. It doesn’t get more majestic than that. I’m closely connected to the wisdom of eagle (I’m a student so to speak) and this was such a beautiful gift. I photographed her through tears of gratitude.
Then this rock displaying an inlaid Vesica Pisces caught my eye. This sacred symbol has many meanings to many different religions and peoples from the beginnings of recorded time. For me it represents the unity of the Divine Feminine and Masculine creating a new way of existing.
A few days prior to my father’s funeral, I was in Glastonbury, England. We were staying at the Chalice Well Guest House where the Vesica Pisces marks the top of the Chalice Well and was found in the art on the walls and even inlaid into the kitchen floor. It was everywhere and it wasn’t until I recognized it on this rock that I woke up to it’s significance and I heard it’s meaning.
Witnessing a bald eagle and finding the Vesica Pisces inlaid into a rock were extraordinary experiences but there was also immense beauty even in the way the rocks collected in logs or were stacked on their sides.
Celebrating the mundane is my worship, my practice and
my way of connecting to the Divine Sacred
so that I can witness the extraordinary and hear the message.
It’s all relevant to my journey of understanding myself and my purpose here and figuring out the balance between my soft, tender Piscean nature and my powerful side that needs to be a “Change Agent” in this world. I’ve danced between these two extremes most of my life (i.e. leaving the Marine Corps to be a photographer and then going back in to go to war) but it feels time to bridge the two and dance with both simultaneously with grace.
I’ve walked many beaches in my lifetime and they have always been healing but this experience at Ruby Beach with a heart in turmoil I was soothed and reset in a way that I cannot even articulate.
There is magic in the air that lives between an ancient forest and a rugged ocean.
gypsy love cafe 
It’s a beautiful post Kateriina – I’m a pisces too.
You have a piece of my art – the key necklace and now we’re connected forever.
Oh that’s right Catherine, I love that necklace. It is piscean!!
You are beautiful. xx
I love you Lisa!!
I am awed by you still Katariina, your words and photographs are beautiful. I am still sorry that I didn’t accept your gift of coins at Petaluma, perhaps it was a lesson for my learning curve. Please forgive me.
Much love, Lindi.
No worries about the coins Lindi. Moyra took them happily! I told her to buy a glass of wine and think of me! I didn’t realize you felt sorry for not accepting, it isn’t normal to accept money when you didn’t even ask (I’m not sure if I would have said yes), but the next time someone offers you a chunk of change and tells you that you will be doing them a favor because one pound coins are heavy, say “YES!!! Why yes I will take the burden of those coins off your hands!” :o) You are so loved Lindi
Thank you for the compliments.
Big love,
Katariina
You put is so succintly, the fight I have between my two “halves” I am choosing the tender and creative again after spending years as the fighter and the changer.
http://www.wyldesoulphotography.com
Miriam, I love your name Wylde Soul!!!
Big Love,
Katariina
You are so amazing. Did you ever see the research down by Leonard , published in the British Medical Journal, that concludes with this: “Remote intercessory prayer said for a group of patients is associated with a shorter hospital stay and shorter duration of fever in patients with a blood infection, even when the intervention is performed 410 years after the infection.” ~ http://deanradin.com/evidence/Leibovici2001.pdf
We can not only heal our generation and generations going forward, but we can heal the bloodline going back, as you so poetically put. I love the synchronicity of the Piscean rings. Again, you are so amazing!
Laura, thank you for your insight and reflection. I just looked up this study and am pondering the possibilities.
Big love to you,
Katariina
I felt these perfectly captured moments, Katariina. And the healing of our hearts continues with the constancy of the sea rolling onto the shore. Love to you and yours.
Thank you Stevie. This means a lot coming from you. Love to you and your family as well.
Dearest Katariina – this is so beautiful and so are you sweet sister.
apologies for being so long out of the loop – finally healing and feeling my way back 🙂
Big hugs
SunJay xx
so beautiful Katariina – just like you sweet sister.
apologies for being out of the loop for so long – finally healing and feeling more myself at last 🙂
big hugs – much love
SunJay
Sunjay, Thank you sweet sister. I miss you so. I would love to catch up soon and I’m happy to hear you are coming out of the shadowland and feeling better.
Big Love,
Katariina
Thank you Katariina – yes, it has been a journey of a different kind 🙂